Why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't see the headline "psychic wins lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why it is that Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour but washing up liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "broker"?
Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called the rush hour?
Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
You know that indestructible black box used in planes - why isn't the whole plane made of that?
If flying is so safe why do they call the airport terminal?
If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
An American friend sent me these ever wondered? questions in an email so thought I'd share them. Hope they made you laugh too.
Thursday 19 November 2009
Tuesday 17 November 2009
Laugh - I nearly wet myself.........
Has anybody else seen Miranda on the Beeb. If you haven't give it a look in, it's hysterical. Comedienne Miranda Hart calls it a semi autobiographical portrayal of her life. The social ineptitude of this woman is beyond words. Well done Miranda on a brilliant piece of comedy.She desperately wants to get it on with an old friend she's fancied for years but all attempts to create a "moment" between them are thwarted, usually by her. Last night saw her stuck in a plastic child's chair, running and falling flat on her face, trying to learn to Tango (and pouncing on some poor unsuspecting customer in her shop) and being mortally embarrassed by her Mum who is trying to find her a husband in the personal ads, and keeps trying to show her photos from her nudist holiday.
I'm not doing it justice so please have a look in.
Another thing that had me in stitches last night was Kim Woodburn's challenge on "I'm a celebrity get me out of here". She was sealed in a perspex box and put under water where they dropped yabbies and cockroaches on her along with golden balls she had to open and retrieve stars from. Her conversation all the time she was in the box , telling the nasty critters "oh you stink you nasty beggars" and "if you bite me again I'll bite you back" had my sides aching with laughter. I think she's a real character anyway, and love the way she interacts with the others. Whether it's all a put on who knows but it's certainly entertaining. Good on you Kim, not bad for a 67 year old.
Don't know if I'll continue to watch the series now Jordan's arrived, I'm afraid I find her insufferable. I would have thought given her son Harvey's recent health scares she had more need to be staying out of the lime light for a while and focusing on him, but then again maybe in reality she's not the attention seeking hussy she appears to be.
Monday 16 November 2009
Dropping like flies!
As I have previously posted my Aunt is unwell, so right now I'm visiting her nearly everyday: fetching her shopping, sorting her medication, and keeping her company.
Now my Dad seems to be getting ill. He's had the doc out several times having developed a rattle in his lungs, however now he seems to be having problems with his sugar levels too. Having had diabetes for years he is very good at monitoring his sugar levels and keeping them quite regular, but these last few days he's been all over the place. He awoke the other night feeling all funny so checked his levels and he was way down at 2.5. I'm getting quite concerned about it.
My Mother in law went in to hospital today to have her knee replaced so she is going to be needing a little extra help for a while, and my father in law has been having funny fainting fits.
My Babes is in a lot of pain again having got more protruding discs, although this time it's in his neck, and is waiting to hear back about an operation date.
To top it all Mouse has a dreadful head cold and is snuffling about the place.
I promise I am not putting anything in the water but they're dropping like flies all around me. So be warned, I may be hazardous to your health!!!!!
Now my Dad seems to be getting ill. He's had the doc out several times having developed a rattle in his lungs, however now he seems to be having problems with his sugar levels too. Having had diabetes for years he is very good at monitoring his sugar levels and keeping them quite regular, but these last few days he's been all over the place. He awoke the other night feeling all funny so checked his levels and he was way down at 2.5. I'm getting quite concerned about it.
My Mother in law went in to hospital today to have her knee replaced so she is going to be needing a little extra help for a while, and my father in law has been having funny fainting fits.
My Babes is in a lot of pain again having got more protruding discs, although this time it's in his neck, and is waiting to hear back about an operation date.
To top it all Mouse has a dreadful head cold and is snuffling about the place.
I promise I am not putting anything in the water but they're dropping like flies all around me. So be warned, I may be hazardous to your health!!!!!
Saturday 14 November 2009
Human Behaviour
I was standing at the bus stop the other day, and just a couple of yards away a water main cover had been oozing mud (granted, due to all the rain recently it looked more like oil) on the pavement. There wasn't heaps of it but it was a small shallow puddle.
Anyway, as I stood there. watching the people walking by I was amazed by how many people looked at the puddle and then looked upwards as if this black slick was a deposit from a huge bird or somehow some giant tap was dripping on the pavement.
Why do we do that? Is it that we are so taken aback by the sudden appearance of something out of the norm that we suspect divine or alien interference of some kind? Do we suspect someone has thrown it out of a window, or that someone is hanging out the window watching us to see our reaction?
I also found it fascinating the lengths people would go to, to avoid standing in the puddle - most didn't just step over it, but stepped to the sides as far as they could get away from it - was this in case it should suddenly leap from the ground and attack them?
In the 10 mins I stood waiting only one couple walked through it and they were so deep in conversation they didn't notice until it was too late, but even they looked at the puddle then looked skywards!
What bizzarre things we are!
Anyway, as I stood there. watching the people walking by I was amazed by how many people looked at the puddle and then looked upwards as if this black slick was a deposit from a huge bird or somehow some giant tap was dripping on the pavement.
Why do we do that? Is it that we are so taken aback by the sudden appearance of something out of the norm that we suspect divine or alien interference of some kind? Do we suspect someone has thrown it out of a window, or that someone is hanging out the window watching us to see our reaction?
I also found it fascinating the lengths people would go to, to avoid standing in the puddle - most didn't just step over it, but stepped to the sides as far as they could get away from it - was this in case it should suddenly leap from the ground and attack them?
In the 10 mins I stood waiting only one couple walked through it and they were so deep in conversation they didn't notice until it was too late, but even they looked at the puddle then looked skywards!
What bizzarre things we are!
Monday 2 November 2009
Sweet Sixteen
OMG last night whilst surfing the channels with Mouse came across a thing on MTV called "My Sweet 16" the gist of which seems to be rich kids organising and having a 16th birthday party.
Turned out the first girl featured was actually turning 15. This mega beatch first had a party to give out her invites. For this she was punted (or whatever you do with a gondola) around a lake dressed up to the nines whilst she repeatedly swore and bitched about being in the boat, even though it had been her idea. Then having returned to her garden she used a megaphone (and it was a regular sized garden) to call out her friends to come out to accept their invitations, which by the way were in DVD form so they could have keepsakes!!.
Her party theme was an old style Venetian Court for which she wanted jesters, so needless to say 2 little guys came out and showed off their dancing skills much to the girl and her friends amusement (personally I thought it was insulting to the guys but they were obviously happy to oblige).
Then at the actual party she had several (one assumes) close friends who made up her courtiers. She was so rude and nasty to them screaming at them to get in line and hold their masks at the exact position she wanted, bitching because they were laughing at the outfits she'd made them wear. Mouse said if her friend behaved like that she would have gone home and left her to it.
She had one of the jesters dress as a cop and perform a striptease down to his boxers (15 years old - what is her Mother thinking). Then Mum and Dad having spent $300,000 on this party gave her what she asked for as a gift a term studying in a school in Paris. How she thank dear old Mum and Dad - snatched the microphone from Mum and yelled "Hey Mother F*****s I'm going to France" Who are these people?
Mouse and I were utterly astounded even though the swearing was bleeped I'm sure even Mouse knew what she was saying. Mouse was disgusted by her behaviour, one wonders if the girls friends behave the same or if they just put up with it because she's a rich brat.
The best thing about the whole programme was the photo shoot she wanted for her birthday pictures. She had this poor horse wearing a horn head piece to make it look like a unicorn so she could be a fantasy princess. The horse didn't like it (how strange!) so threw its head back in an attempt to dislodge it and smacked her in the face with the horn. It was so funny and you couldn't help thinking well done horse. Needless to say, she wanted off the horse right away and bitched that it was a horrible horse and had ruined her photos.
When these parents watch back the programme do they think OMG we've created a monster or do they just think WOW our baby's on MTV, sadly I think it'll be the latter!
Turned out the first girl featured was actually turning 15. This mega beatch first had a party to give out her invites. For this she was punted (or whatever you do with a gondola) around a lake dressed up to the nines whilst she repeatedly swore and bitched about being in the boat, even though it had been her idea. Then having returned to her garden she used a megaphone (and it was a regular sized garden) to call out her friends to come out to accept their invitations, which by the way were in DVD form so they could have keepsakes!!.
Her party theme was an old style Venetian Court for which she wanted jesters, so needless to say 2 little guys came out and showed off their dancing skills much to the girl and her friends amusement (personally I thought it was insulting to the guys but they were obviously happy to oblige).
Then at the actual party she had several (one assumes) close friends who made up her courtiers. She was so rude and nasty to them screaming at them to get in line and hold their masks at the exact position she wanted, bitching because they were laughing at the outfits she'd made them wear. Mouse said if her friend behaved like that she would have gone home and left her to it.
She had one of the jesters dress as a cop and perform a striptease down to his boxers (15 years old - what is her Mother thinking). Then Mum and Dad having spent $300,000 on this party gave her what she asked for as a gift a term studying in a school in Paris. How she thank dear old Mum and Dad - snatched the microphone from Mum and yelled "Hey Mother F*****s I'm going to France" Who are these people?
Mouse and I were utterly astounded even though the swearing was bleeped I'm sure even Mouse knew what she was saying. Mouse was disgusted by her behaviour, one wonders if the girls friends behave the same or if they just put up with it because she's a rich brat.
The best thing about the whole programme was the photo shoot she wanted for her birthday pictures. She had this poor horse wearing a horn head piece to make it look like a unicorn so she could be a fantasy princess. The horse didn't like it (how strange!) so threw its head back in an attempt to dislodge it and smacked her in the face with the horn. It was so funny and you couldn't help thinking well done horse. Needless to say, she wanted off the horse right away and bitched that it was a horrible horse and had ruined her photos.
When these parents watch back the programme do they think OMG we've created a monster or do they just think WOW our baby's on MTV, sadly I think it'll be the latter!
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